Thrill seekers

We see them everyday on the roads, of course in India "only". They are the thrill seekers and come in various sizes and shapes. No, they are not stuntsmen or adventure sportsmen/women. I am talking about the "common man" - the one who is affected by the budgets, protests, strikes and such... R K Lakshman's common man. There are many categories of  common man/woman who seek an adrenaline rush every time they set foot or wheel  on the roads. Here are some stereotypes I've encountered...

The quintessential middle order shopkeeper/trader astride the largest black bike in the market, clad in his trademark white "bush" shirt and lungi sporting the city version of the handlebar moustache. He'll be bowling along merrily in front of your ride  and then just near the turn you need to take, he'll stop dead in his tracks. Wave a ham hand at a passerby (an obvious acquaintance whom I'm sure he met only yesterday), spit out paan accurately at a corporation- planted sapling and proceed thus "Hello, how are you? ..... Business is good ... the usual... you know my wife's second cousin, that no-good fellow..." Well, you know the drill, blaring horns, obscenities flying thick and fast and finally he moves his bike to the side of the road, muttering darkly about lack of manners...

The group of pimply youngsters (he could be the one who brings in your cylinder, water or whatever) - characterised by their tight shirts with all kinds of inscriptions, faded in-the-wrong places jeans, knapsacks, mobile phones with headsets dangling from the neck... These get their daily dose of adrenaline by simply jumping off the moving bus in front of your drive. Neat na? Vehicles screeching to a halt because of this acrobatic display gives them greater kicks, while you want to incapacitate them with one....

The call centre employee (most probably the owner of  that shrill preoccupied voice that you'd like to stifle once and for all; at "customer care")  - clad in the demure crepe salwar, flowers in the hair, handbag with a just over a dozen charms and that villian - the cell phone. She of course has never deciphered that the handsfree works in the same manner as the headset in office. So, she traipses along, head tilted, cell in the ear, now giggling, now chattering, now blushing... across the road! Again you screech to a halt, horn blaring, murderous intent in the eyes... "Sorry.." she says and runs across and continues traipsing, cooing...till the next vehicle is brought to its knees...(Yes, it's that same voice !!)

Of course no discussion on stereotypes is complete without the mention of the anathema of all things orderly; why the auto driver of course. He will move about in the traffic at will, now in front , now on the side, now to your left; never tires of playing hide-and-seek. He will appear on the right, cut in front and stall left. He gets his customer and zooms off leaving you and your tyre sore!

 I am sure you have met many of these and more... Do write and tell me about them.

Reality check!

On my daily route is what I call a semi-village. Semi because it is situated all along the alley that links two arterial roads of the bustling city. A quaint place where time manages to stand still for a few minutes in the form of languid cud-chewing bovines and minute chicken scratching the ground, before rushing on. Here, goats test their mountain climbing skills by scaling dangerous mounds of foul smelling garbage that passes for the banks of an equally foul smelling greyish "river". For waterfalls, we have a huge rotting pipe which spews copious amounts of brownish effluents into this toxic stream. Assorted cans, plastic bags and other flotsam add to the charm of this river.A rickety bridge; with twisted steel pipes for side supports serves to cross this Poison River.
Humans being humans have no qualms about living around this exotic scenery and go about their business of selling fish, joints of meat, vegetables, flowers and assorted candy.The locals seem completely immune to this breeding ground of unnamable viri, since all children roaming about look uniformly healthy and well fed! Curiously all vegetable and flower shops are clustered around the river banks as if this could take away from the overpowering stench of the water! Street dogs fight for scraps of meat while matrons fry huge mounds of golden bondas in ancient and huge kadais. The metre coffee is alive and kicking here!
Running through the length of this village is the remains of a road. Every year a layer of tar is carefully added just before the monsoon so that by the end of it a bit of gravel is visible here and there. It would seem that the very idea of laying a road in this fashion is to spin an industry out of it. The shops that sit cheek by jowl along this "road" certainly suggest it.
"CAR REPAIR" says a signboard on one,"PAINTING AND TINGERING WORKS"! While another proudly proclaims itself as a shop for "VALKANISING" and " WHEL TRUVING". I didn't get that. Anyone who understands please do decrypt!
This thriving industry has spawned another - building materials. Each shop sells the same materials, remarkably, they are in complete harmony in spelling out the materials they sell with one exception..... "RUBBIEZ" "RUBBEES" or simple plain "RUBBIS"! Spanking new "villas" erupting all around the bridge suggest that recession is a word that this village does not have to contend with.
Every now and then this happy scenario is punctuated by a traffic jam at the bridge and the whole village including the cud chewing bovines stop to comment on it and eventually untangle it! Must say, we city types are the ones that cause the pause!

Vestibules and other vehicles

As we were travelling to school this morning on a crowded and narrow road, the bus in front of us suddenly ground to a halt. The traffic behind responded in a chorus of angry honks, tweets, curses and the like. The driver, whose biceps rivalled those of the latest Bollywood heroes,leaned out of his window, gave us a withering look and jabbed his finger towards the rear of his vehicle. There was a notice there in a font size of about 24 that said.
THIS IS A VESTIBULE BUS. PLEASE KEEP A DISTANCE OF 10 MTS.
Well, that said it all, didn't it? Especially on a road that could not have been more than 9 mts on the straight!